I miss you. Today would’ve been your 29th birthday. I wish you were still here. I want to go down to the barn, give you all the best treats. You know which ones: carrots, apples, fig newtons, all of them glazed with molasses. I want to let you graze the greenest grasses for the whole day. I want, I want, I want…
That was last year. Your last birthday on this earthly plane. My Cinco de Mayo pony. It was perfect. A sun drenched day in the valley. Blue and green. These are the colors of MAY. A time of rebirth. Winter is nearly a distant memory. Everywhere there pervades a feeling of HOPE.
Today is bittersweet. You are not here physically. But I feel your spirit in my soul. These past two nights I have seen you in my dreams. The first was a snippet: you were in your pasture. You spotted me approaching and trotted to the gate, and three times you neighed. The second night felt like it was in real time. I rode you bareback outside. It was summer. Afterwards, I let you roll in the soft, sandy dirt of the indoor arena. I led you back to our tie post, which hardly anyone else ever uses. I don’t understand why. It is adjacent to the small creek, and in summer, the creek bed is very lush and green. I don’t know why everyone insists on using the shed to brush or tack up their ponies. That particular tie post was, is, and will always be our spot. From when I first met you to your last days, this was the spot I pampered, saddled up, untacked, and fed you.
After I brushed you, I filled your feed bag with grain. You absolutely stuffed your face. I’d put some molasses in. You loved it. After that, we went just outside the equestrian center property to the local park. I let you graze the lawn there. The pond nearby looked clean, the water cool and inviting. As you trimmed the grass, I stepped back and took in the sight of you: chestnut coat gleaming, muscles sleek and bulging. You are healthy again.
And this is how I know that, wherever you are, you are OK. And I am happy. I will miss you always, of course. Part of me wants to do something symbolic for your birthday, but I know I don’t have to. I hold you in my heart. And I know your spirit is never far away. So Happy Birthday Fuzzy. THANK YOU for everything.
~LMC
*Image above: Flash’s last birthday on earth